Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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