Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
