WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
