So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize