One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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