The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
