I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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