i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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