I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
