I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
