Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
