the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
