dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
