Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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