Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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