goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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