at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
