were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
