I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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