Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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