i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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