I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
