wanna go halves on a baby?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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