dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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