just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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