Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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