dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't put those talents on a resume
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
