I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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