Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
