ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
