I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
