I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
