Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
