k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
