worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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