U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
