She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
