This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
