i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
