like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
