I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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