Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your cock deserves a montage
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
