when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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