Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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