remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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