dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
