i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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