I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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