How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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