You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
