It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize