ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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