I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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