So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize