Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
