This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
