i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize