you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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