weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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