haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
