made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
