So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize