An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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