Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
