well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
