Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
