I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
